Mondays...

Today is another Monday and hopefully a much better day mentally. I think I spent most of last night feeling sorry for myself. Most of my views on the situation haven't changed though, although this morning the goal I've set for myself is to accept the fact that my dream wedding isn't going to happen and move on with it. Today I will go on with my normal activities and pretend the idea of weddings never crossed my mind to begin with. It's my only way to deal really and that's what I'll do. I got a little bit of laundry today so that will be fun. A mother's job is never done lol! But I'll have my little buddy Aradia with me and she always brightens my day with each smile she flashes me. Throughout all my life, even before she was an idea, I have held on in adversity for her. I've wanted her so bad that my reason for living was always her. We've grown really close I think. I sincerely hope that years down the road when she has her very own family to care for, we are still close. My family consists of too much pride and criticism amongst us all and I hope she never feels like she can fail for fear of disappointing us. Sure she might do things I'm not to keen on as a mother. But I will always make it very clear to her that as long as she is doing something that makes her happy, and as long as she does it with passion she will NEVER disappoint me. And as far as failure I'm concerned, I of all people know that failure is an inevitable concept, we all will suffer some bit of failure throughout the course of a lifetime. It's what comes of that failure that makes us great. She she will never be unable to come to me and look me in the eye and say I failed. I tried my hardest but failed. I will never look down on her and I will always be there to assure her tomorrow will be a new start. I love that girl so incredibly much and I only want her to be happy. She most definitely has the most loving family in the world. Granted I'm sure her and Rian will have some lovely "discussions" when she brings home the scum of the earth as boyfriends but both myself and Rian will always be there when her heart gets broken...although I'll have to figure out where I'm gonna have to chain him if his little girl gets hurt lol! I do know however, that despite all the future arguments those two might have over boyfriends, I know that if she were to come to us and say that she really is in love with someone and that he really loves her that Rian would be more supportive than my family ever knew how to be. Although, thank goodness the idea of her getting married won't be for QUITE awhile cuz I don't think I could keep myself from being a teary little mess lol! but for now I think I will go wake her up, collect my morning smile, and begin our new day together!